Remember our blog about folding those pesky fitted sheets? Our owner and master of linens, Alex Cole, put his money where his mouth is and showed off his fitted-sheet-folding skills—outside, on the windiest day of the year. You don’t have to take our word for it. See him in action:

In order to stand out from all of her other first dates, you need to do something completely unexpected.

Do it classy.  Get the Civic detailed.  Fresh flowers from Mrs. Mulligan’s prized rose bush.  A bottle of Febreze and a tweed jacket from the Salvo…and a fancy restaurant – you know, the kind with sous chefs and hospitality mints near the back door.  A bottle of red, a bottle of white, and some swagger.  Smooth conversation and an irresistibly-crooked smile.  Then do the unexpected.

Grab it.  And in one swift motion, yank it.  Don’t make a mess all over the place.  When you’re done, grin with satisfaction.  What are we talking about?

The tablecloth.

You’ve seen the videos on YouTube, right?  Where Uncle Carl tries to impress the family at Thanksgiving by channeling Houdini and stripping the dining table of its cloth without disturbing anything?  Although most makeshift magicians end up with turkey on the floor and stuffing in the ceiling, it is actually possible and pretty simple if you know what you’re doing.

Photo credit: Mythbusters/Discovery.com

According to wikiHow, the Internet’s unofficial collaborative DIY encyclopedia, there’s a process by which you can leave your dinner guests in awe with the well-known stunt.  Since most colleges and universities don’t offer electives in linen tricks, a little practice is a good idea before ripping the rug out from underneath grandma’s favorite gravy bowl.  Scouting out the right tablecloth is key.  Start with plastic before getting serious with breakable tableware.  Consider placement, balance, and weight.  Pretend you’re picking out a wedding dress and scrutinize every detail.  Stand tableside like a softball coach that takes double headers just a little too seriously.  Grip it like you own it and remember, it’s all in the wrist.

So here’s the challenge – give it a whirl.  Once you’ve become the master of your dining room domain, post your video and send it to us @argentieribros.  If you can “pull it off” without getting your gravy on the ceiling, we’ll give you a shout out and might just buy you a beer.

I have three sets of bed sheets, but only one ever gets used.

Is it because they’re far superior than any other sheets? No.

Is it a result of extreme laziness? Not in this case.

Is my washing machine out of commission? Absolutely not.

It’s actually pretty simple. I can’t fold a fitted sheet to save my life. For years, it has been the same agonizing process. Any outsider that saw me attempt to fold a fitted sheet would most likely buckle over in laughter from the dramatic calisthenics that I endure to attempt to produce a square-ish-looking pile to neatly stack in my sheet drawer. It starts out pretty straightforward, right? Grab the corners and bring them together. Fold in half. Uh oh, it already looks like crap.

When I met Alex Cole, I got a tour of the vast and impressive Argentieri Brothers facility in Wellsville. Walking by stacks of perfectly-pressed, color-sorted sheets, I casually mentioned my hatred for the fitted sheet. Alex cheerfully stated, “Oh, I’ll show you! Watch…”

He grabbed a sheet, fluffed it out into a textile parachute, spreading the intoxicating aroma of fresh laundry into the air. He twirled it around like a slab of pizza dough, grabbing corners and tucking handfuls of fabric into corners, all the while narrating the process as if what he was doing was just as easy as alphabetizing Skittles. We’re standing there, watching this process (which, by the way, took him 10 seconds flat), and suddenly, BAM! Alex was standing there, holding a crisp and symmetric display case-grade fitted sheet that looked like it was just pulled from the linen closet in the White House guest bedroom.

Side note: sheets folded by me go in a drawer; sheets folded by magicians like Alex Cole go in a linen closet.

The takeaway? With the right care and expertise, something as simple as a bed sheet can be a beautiful work of art. Thank God there are experts out there to curate this mystery.